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Tentacle Monster
Tentacle Monsters are sometimes Aliens from outer space, monsters from the XXX-Dimension or denizens of Japan (they are actually third class citizens, that wish they could be second class citizens like The Koreans). But they are mostly (in)famous as the voracious rapist monsters from the Japanese Hentai pr0n, in which they deflower young, nubile, and innocent High School girls for their own depraved and perverse pleasure! But this is a Racist misconception! A xenophobic lie created by the Japanese, the bears, and their hippie bear-loving liberal friends! The Truth About Tentacle Monsters Just like Frankenstein and "Gill-man", these poor creatures are despised and misunderstood by cowardly and jealous humans. Like other Ethnic groups diverse groups, Tentacle Monsters are being persecuted and vilified by old stereotypes like: * ~"Tentacle Monsters are lazy, * they are too hyper-sexual, and * are child molesters who are too dumb for society"~. For centuries Tentacle Monsters have suffered under the preconception of discrimination, they have cowered under the tight fist of oppression, and they were forced to run away from the angry mobs of persecution. Tentacle Monsters have experienced constant prejudices from Humans for centuries (if there is one thing that the human race can agree on, be it black, white, or Asian, is that Tentacle Monsters are disgusting. Now that's being a uniter!). The truth is that Tentacle Monsters are creatures just like us. They just want to make a living and to be recognized in a dignified manner. The world, hwever, is not ready for Tentacle Monsters and the Tentacle Monsters decided that they needed to exterminate the human race in retribution they needed to find a new homeland for their kind, safe from the damaging effects of anti-Tentacle Monster policies and rampant hate crimes. The History of Tentacle Monsters The first written description of Tentacle Monsters was recorded in some ancient stone tablet in the Middle-east. The tablet describes an ancient tale of a creature of terror and horror beyond darkness, "a thing that cannot be described, but it is called the green, sticky spawn of the stars with flabby claws and an awful squid-head with writhing feelers". The tablet was revered by some weird cult and according to scholars, in the ancient world Tentacle Monsters were revered as gods by ignorant pagan humans of the period. Fortunately, all of that changed with the introduction of "Monotheism" The One and True God. Semitic Anti-Tentaclism The first humans to discriminate against the tentacles were the racist joos who one day would kill our Lord and Savior. The joos persecuted the Tentacle Monsters and chased them out of the Holyland, forcing them to abandon their ancient home in the Middle-east forever. The tentacles migrated to Europe to try their luck there. Unbeknown to the tentacles, several factors worked toward their favor in Europe: Paganism was strong there and joo-hating was a favorite pasttime of the liberal pagans in Europe. Tentacles In The Holy Roman Empire Once the Tentacle Monsters arrived to Rome, many of them wanted to join the Roman Empire and they swore their alliance to the Roman Emperor, Stephanus Maximus Truthiness, and their new human masters in exchange for "virgin blood" "virgin juice"... but when Christianity was introduced into Europe and consequently The Roman Empire, the Tentacle Monsters were once again oppressed and persecuted. This time, however, they were discriminated by The New Church of Jesus. Some even say that Jesus himself liked to hunt down Tentacle Monsters during his free time! The Tentacle Monsters, tired of being persecuted by the Catholic Church and their human oppressors, decided that they needed to find a new place to live where there were no Christians around or God... (according to the Bible, Tentacles are "Satan's love limbs"). With few other options, they decided to move to Asia as soon as possible. Tentacles On The Silk Road At the time Asia didn't have Christians, only Atheist Buddhist Heathens. The Tentacle Monsters choose the mythical land of Japan for they heard that the Japanese "love" tentacles (in a manner of speaking) for some strange reason. The Tentacle Monsters would soon find a rude awakening in the land of the rising sun once they arrived... Tentacle Monsters and Old School Erotica Japan never had Tentacle Monsters before their arrival, Tentaclephiles are divided as to why the Japanese loved these creatures even before they reached their shores. According to our wiki-scholars there are some old textbooks in Tokyo's library that may shed some light into this mystery. The Ancient Pr0n Texts In the year of 1814, at the shores of Japan, an erotic painting, "Dream of the fishermans wife," emerged depicting a Tentacle Monsters having non-consensual intercourse with a lady outside the sacrament of marital. This is believed to be the oldest depiction of "Tentacle Raep" and the genre's origin! All tentacle scholars agree that this is the origin of the racist view that all Tentacle Monsters are sexual predators and it was forever imprinted in the Japanese collective mind. The artist, Katsushika Hokusai, said that he was inspired by stories that he heard from foreign merchants who talked about strange weird creatures from foreign lands in the West. The artist at first wanted to paint an erotic painting involving a "pizza-man" and some "lonely wife" but he found the idea stupid. Instead, he chose the scene of a Tentacle Monsters ravishing some fisherman's wife, which was some sort of attempt at irony or something. None of the observers got the joke but they all agreed, the painting was hawt and they wanted more of it. At the time Japan was a backward country and the idea of "Tentacle Erotica" withered away almost to be forgotten, which could had been the end of it... until the 20th century. ...]] Tentacle Monsters and Hentai After Janpan was uberly defeated by The Great Evil American Empire The USA, there was a great demand for foreign workers to replace those turned to ashes by the Atomic Bomb. Many Tentacle Monsters immigrated to Japan seeking jobs. At first they were surprised that they were readily welcomed by the Japanese folks, but soon they realized with horror that the Japanese thought Tentacle Monsters were giant Calamari and would eat them! The Tentacle Monsters would try to change this perception by telling the Japanese that they were not food and that they should not be eaten. The Japanese were ok with this since they decided that instead, they wanted to eat Sushi and maybe some whale meat. At first relations between humans and Tentacle Monsters were cool in Japan. But all of that changed in 1987 when the first Hentai movie was released depicting a Tentacle Monster raeping defenseless, young Japanese High School girls. That hentai movie was "La Blue Girl" and it became an instant classic that re-introduced the "Tentacle Raep" genre to the modern world. "La Blue Girl" was released all over Japan in every movie theaters; it had a full house for almost three years and the public demanded MOAR! The Image of Tentacle monsters as good people was tarnished overnight, and it was replaced with the image of a sex-crazed monster looking to raep Japanese High School girls in an orgy of tentacles, suckers and Catholic school uniforms. As the genre became wildly popular among the Japanese in general, young Japanese High School girls were afraid of the Tentacle Monsters. The image was too damaging for Tentacles that the Tentacle Community never recovered from it and to this day that stereotype is still lingering in the Japanese public mind. Worst, when Hentai was introduced in America during the 1990's the only thing American audiences saw first was Tentacle Monsters raping young girls. The few Tentacles living in America (and who weren't forced into internment camps) emmigrated to Japan in the hopes of escaping the angry American mobs that were chasing them. Japan at the time was the only Nation that would accept Tentacle Monsters within their sovereign soil; and it was the only place in the world that the Tentacles could get a decent job... unfortunately the only available jobs for Tentacle Monsters in Japan was as pr0n actors... (considering their tarnished image as sexual deviants, they got paid really well by the "Adult Entertainment Industry"). Purple Tentacle: The First non-hentai Tentacle Monster runs for Office Around the 1990's, when Tentacle Monster discrimination was at the highest, a lone Tentacle Monster decided that he had enough of the persecution. His name was Purple Tentacle, a tentacle monster known for being a mad genius with delusions of grandeur and World Domination, but mostly he was known for abhorring raep!! Purple may have been a lunatic, deluded, homicidal, maniac Tentacle Monster, but he was not that kind of monster!! Purple had a reputation for maintaining oppressive law & order and he wanted to change human perception about Tentacles for the benefit of future generation of Tentacle Monsters dreaming of World Domination. Purple at first tried to change the horrible image of Tentacles as "sexual deviants" by constructing a Weather Machine to freeze the planet and enslave the human race (in a non-sexual manner) to teach them a lesson... but he failed. Instead of freezing the planet, Purple caused "Global Warming" and the humans accused him of making the plant so hot that women and high school girls would be forced to strip down naked just to cool off (it was at this time that bikinis became more popular than ever). After many failed attempts at World Conquest, Purple discovered that he was doing it all wrong. He realized that if he wanted to be accepted by the human race that he would have to join their organizational group. Purple found a human group that accepted members from the fringe of society and insane, lunatics with radical beliefs that contradicted rational thinking and common sense. Purple joined their human group to to gain their acceptance and attain political power... so he joined the GOP and became a republican! At first the GOP was suspicious of Purple and they did not want to be associated with a sexual deviant. (aka Cthulhu) is the bastard child of a Tentacle Monster and a Human]] But Purple Tentacle was not only a mad genius but he was also a powerful business tycoon and he used his money to buy as much influence as he could. Some members of the religious right were afraid that as a monster he was a Satanist or worst a hippie pagan, not so, Purple was a true Christian! Purple specially like the idea of bringing Armageddon to the Human Race, enforcing the crucifixion of all humans, and the extermination of the dirty joos, which is why he also joined the KKK doing the Lord's good work for the benefit of mankind. Soon Purple gained the support of the Evangelical groups as well as the Chamber of Commerce. In 2000 he tried to run for the presidency but at the time the American public was not ready to accept the idea of a Tentacle Monster in the White House, let alone as their president, forcing the humans "to serve at the pleasure of his office". It was at this time that rumors started to surface that Purple liked to raep young High School girls at night (it is suspected that this rumor starting to circulate around the same time as the "McCain-black-baby" rumors) Purple suffered from a humiliating defeat in the primaries, but he also gained something else. Many Republicans learned to like this Tentacle Monster. Purple was popular with certain sectors of Real America, he was known for his anti-semitism anti-human views like immigration, he was Ultra Rich (thanks to his job as a bank-robbing supervillain) so he gained the favor of pro-business lobbyist and pro-capitalist supporters, and he was a Christian! Many Republicans saw Purple as the future of the GOP and they invited him to join their ranks. In 2003, Purple then ran for the Senate and he won!! It is said that thanks to Purple now Tentacle Monsters make up 10% of the Republican Party and that number is still growing! Present Relations between Tentacle Monsters and Humans , just like God intended.]] While Tentacle discrimination and prejudice still exists today, there has been an increasing acceptance and tolerance of Tentacle Monsters within human communities, specially within the Republican Party and many Christian organizations hoping to gain World Domination with their help. Fight Against Marriage For The Gheys There has also been an increase in inter-species marriages between Tentacles and Humans. While such unions had been illegal and immoral in the past, today such unions are being celebrated, accepted, and protected under the law as recognized as their alienable rights. Marriage is such a sacred institution for Tentacle Monsters that they are willing to protect the sanctity of marriage by helping in the fight against the abominable Gay Marriage. Tentacle Monsters find Gay Marriage to be disgusting and a threat to their Heterosexual Marriages, that they have gone so far as to adopt other heterosexual traditions, such as persecuting Tentacle Monsters known for being gay! External Tubes * In defense of Tentacle Monsters and their Octopi cousins * The Naughty Tentacles Encyclopedia *Tentacles 101